REST & RELAX

 JOKES

A customer ordered some coffee in a café. The waiter arrived with the coffee. and placed it on the table. After a few moments, the customer called for the waiter.

'Waiter,' he said. 'There's dirt in my coffee!'

'That's not surprising, Sir,' replied the waiter. 'It was ground only half-an-hour ago.'

A: Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?

B: Yes I am, I married the wrong woman.

A: Did you hear that a baby was fed on elephant's milk and gained twenty pounds in a week.

B: That's impossible. Whose baby?A: An elephant's.

Why couldn't Cinderella be a good soccer player? 

She lost her shoe, she ran away from the ball, and her coach was a pumpkin. 

A: Meet my new born brother.

B: Oh, he is so handsome! What's his name?

A: I don't know. I can't understand a word he says

A guy says to his friend, "Guess how many coins I have in my pocket." 

The friends says, "If I guess right, will you give me one of them?" The first guys says,

"If you guess right, I'll give you both of them!"

A: What do you call a deer with no eyes? 

B: No idea. (No Eye Deer.)

A: What do you call a dead deer with no eyes? 

B: Still no idea

Q: What did the ocean say to the beach? 

A: Nothing, it just waved!

DRILL & PRACTICE

EXERCISE 1

There are several situations in everyday life. Fill in the blank by using the sentences provided in the box below to describe the phrases given.

WORK

Derrick complains to his good friend Terri he is overwhelmed with a heavy workload....

  

 I am overwhelmed with a heavy workload

Terri: Derrick, don't you think you should take a vacation?  Even one or two days would be fine.

Derrick: There's no way.  There's too much work.

Terri:_____________________.  You need a break!

Derrick: I know.  My chances would be better if they would hire more people.

Terri: They won't hire more people?

Derrick: No. _____________________.  I am really overwhelmed with a heavy workload. 

Terri:.

Derrick: Yes. ______________________  I'm going to bring this up in tomorrow's meeting.

Chances are slim!
Janice is thinking of whether or not she should quit and look for another job somewhere else because she hasn't gotten a raise in three years...

Eddie: What are the chances of getting a raise this year?

Janice:__________________!

Eddie: Wow!  __________________________________?

Janice: (Heave a sigh). It's been three years!  The company keeps losing money and they can't afford to give anyone a raise.

Eddie: That's too bad. _______________________________?

Janice: Yeah.  In fact, I have an interview next Monday.

Eddie: Good luck!

WEATHER

It's raining cats and dogs today
Justin knew that there would be a shower today, but she didn't realize it would be a rain so heavily....

Justine knew that there would be a shower today, but she didn't realize it would rain so heavily....

Stephen: Wow, you look like a drowned rat!  Didn't you know there's a thunderstorm today?

Justine:____________________, but I didn't realize it would rain cats and dogs today.

Stephen: Well, you'd better take a hot shower right now, or you'll_____________.

Justine: I know.  I don't want to get sick, especially during finals week

Oh, my! The whole world is broiling
In the dialogue below, Gary and Sharon are complaining about how hot the weather is today...

Sharon: Tell me about it. ____________________________________.Gary: Oh, my!  It's really hot!  I've never seen such scorching weather in my life!

Gary: Oh,__________________!  The temperature has hit 98! 

Sharon: I hope it's not gonna break into three digits!

Gary: But it's already awfully close! 

Sharon: Well,__________________________.

Gary: I guess we can't do anything until after dark then.

Sharon: I guess so.  What else can we do?  You can't stay in the heat for long!

 

 TRAFFIC

Traffic was bumper to bumper.

John is going to have a dinner party with his friends on Christmas Eve. His colleague advises him to leave earlier because traffic will be very bad...

Rachel: I heard you're going to LA tonight.

John: Yes.  I'm having a dinner party with my friends there.

Rachel: Well, you may not know this, but because it's Christmas tomorrow, everybody gets off work early today_______________________.  Starting at 3, traffic usually becomes bumper to bumper.

John: Oh, I didn't know that.  Well,___________________.  Say 2 PM.

Rachel: That would be my advice.  If you don't have any important things to deal with, leave as early as possible.

 The traffic was crawling.

James is on his way to his friend's house, but unfortunately there's an accident on the freeway and the traffic is moving very slowly....

Roselind: Oh, my goodness, the traffic is crawling.

James:__________________________.

Roselind: We're now running late.

James: I know. _______________________________?

Roselind: Let me take a look at the map.  Yes, there's an exit three quarters of a mile ahead.  We'll exit Market Street, head west, and then get on the Pennsylvania Freeway.

James: OK, let's do that even though we may have to take a longer way.

 

I knew there would be a shower, catch a cold

But you look so exhausted, They always want to keep the cost down, Maybe you should talk to the manager

so that they can go back home early, I'll leave earlier today then, 

It's like the whole world is broiling, look at the thermometer, I just hope it'll level off

Chances are slim, You haven't gotten a raise for how many years now, Did you ever think of working somewhere else

I think there's an accident ahead, Why don't we take a different route

TRAVELLING

East or west, home is the best. Jackie has been traveling a lot recently and is becoming a little tired of hotels and hotel food.     Frank: I heard you took a trip to Mexico. Jackie: Yes, I did. Frank: How did you like it? Jackie: Oh, I got sick and tired of hotels and hotel food. Frank: I can imagine.  East or west, home is the best.

I'm low on gas.

Larry is driving his car on his way to Los Angeles.  He doesn't realize that he is running out of gas until his girlfriend Louise reminds him....

Louise: Did you forget to check the gas?

Larry: Oh, I'm low on gas.  I've got to refill the tank.

Louise: Well, there's a gas station across the street and it's not too expensive.  About $1.19 per gallon for the mid-grade.

Larry: Let's try that.  (Larry parks the car by the gas pump.)  Oh, that's great!  The pump is out of order.

Louise: Looks like we've been followed by bad luck all day long.

Larry: Oh, come on.  Let's try another pump.  No big deal!

Can you keep an eye on my bag?

Tom is waiting in the lobby to get on the train.  But suddenly nature is calling, and he has to ask his friend who is sitting right next to him for help....

Tom: Can you do me a favor?

Jamie: Sure.  What is it?

Tom: Can you keep an eye on my bag, please? Nature's calling.

Jamie: Sure.  Will you be long?

Tom: No.  I just want to use the bathroom. 

Jamie: Go ahead.  It'll be safe with me.

We're only staying overnight.

On their way to San Francisco, Roy decides to stop in a small town and stay there overnight....

Clerk: Good evening, sir.  May I help you? 

Roy: Yes.  What kind of rooms do you have?

Clerk: How large is your party?

Roy: Three.  Two adults and one child.

Clerk: Let's see. We have a room with two double beds.  How many nights?

Roy: Just one.  We're only staying overnight.

LET’S  have a Break!!

 

SHOPPING

Do you have these shoes in size seven? Karen walks into a shoe store.  She wants to buy a pair of new shoes for herself....

Clerk: May I help you?

Karen: Yes. Do you have these shoes in size seven?

Clerk: I'm not sure.  If you can't find them on the rack, they may be out of stock.  But let me look in the stockroom.

Karen: Thanks. I'd like to try on a pair if you have them.

Clerk: I'll be right back.

 That's a rip-off!

 

Dennis bought a used TV for 200 dollars.  He didn't realize he had been ripped off.... 

Erwin: How much did you pay for it?

Dennis: 200 bucks.

Erwin: 200 bucks for a piece of junk like that?  That's a rip-off!

Dennis: What do you mean?

Erwin: It's not worth it.

Dennis: Oh.  I guess I really did get ripped off.

 

Are you being helped?

Karen walks into a boutique.  She wants to buy a scarf..

Sales Assoc: Hi, are you being helped?

Karen: No, I'm not.  I'm interested in some scarves.

Sales Assoc: All our scarves are in this section.  What do you think of this one here?  It's made of silk.

Karen: Hm, it looks nice, but I'd like to have something warm for the winter.

Sales Assoc: Maybe you would like a heavy wool scarf.  How about this one?

Karen: I think that's what I want.  How much is it?

Sales Assoc: It's...seventy-five dollars plus tax.

Karen: It's a little expensive.  Do you think it's possible to get a discount?

Sales Assoc: Hm, since you like it so much, how about a 10 percent discount. That's the best I can offer.

Karen: That's good.  Could you wrap it up for me?

Sales Assoc: Sure.  Is there anything else I can get for you?

Karen: No, that should be it.  Thank you

I am just browsing Karen walks into a furniture store.  This time she only wants to browse....

Greg: Hi, can I help you?

Karen: No, thanks. I'm just looking. 

Greg: All right.  If you need any help, just let me know.  My name is Greg.

 Karen: Sure. I'll let you know if I need anything. (A king-size mattress attracts Karen.)  Hm, this mattress is very firm.  Jack will probably like it. 

Greg: Did you find something you like?

Karen: Yes, this mattress is very good.  It's pretty firm.  The mattress I'm now sleeping on is saggy.

Greg: You're right.  This is a very good brand.  It doesn't sag easily.  And we offer a life-time warranty, so you don't have to worry about its quality.

Karen: Does it come with a frame?

Greg: Unfortunately, it doesn't.  However, we could offer a ten percent discount on that.  And also, if you're really interested, we have a very good financing plan here.  There's no payment, no interest until next June.

Karen: That's an attractive plan.  I'll think about it.

Greg: Well, you've got to hurry.  This mattress sells pretty well and this promotion ends tomorrow.